Will you please do one last thing for me. Can we please have a three way. I never could bring myself to do it with Jaci. I won’t do it by myself. I don’t want to give up on sex. I just don’t know what else to do. If nothing else please just let me say goodbye to you in person without crying my eyes out and acting crazy like I did before treatment. This is killing me and there’s a good chance I’ll end up going back again anyways. I’m isolating myself non stop… if you ever cared like you said you did… like you used to show me… i felt like all i ever had to offer you was sex and that’s really the only thing we had in common…I just don’t wanna hook up with any other guys. I’m not ready, they make me really uncomfortable. I won’t even let a guy sit next to me and I miss feeling close to someone, even if it was only physical. I wish it had been real. I wish I hadn’t put my walls down for you. I wish I hadn’t trusted you, or I wish I could have… You’re the very first thing I think about when I wake up. I still dream about being with you. I just want to embrace my sexuality one more time before I swear of these turbulent relationships I use to avoid being constantly alone and Isolated….for what its worth I miss you like crazy and its driving me insane. I see why you act the way you do after Brooke and Nicole now. Its not worth the pain. The suffering. The grief. I’ll build my walls higher next time. I hope you can forgive me. I forgive you… good luck with everything. I’m sure you’ll be fine. You have a lot more family and friend support than I’ll ever have so.. good for you.